I rode my clown bike into the SFU pond

 I don't take myself seriously:

But I am very serious about supporting refugees, as I embark on my 6th Ride for Refuge this year for Kinbrace. You should join my team and come walk/ride with me (or give a gift)!

The cut on my ankle has healed btw 💪

Did you know that shampoo bottles have expiry dates on them?

(NOTE: I started this post nearly three years ago and finally finished it today...)

Because they do! So now you know. You're welcome.
How do I know this? Read on, dear friend/lost internet stranger.

Once upon a time (actually it was in 2014), I was working in an office where a coworker's husband was a manager at a drugstore and every year in between summer and fall, he would bring home dozens of products to his family.  I'm guessing it was so that they could sample them and then the hubs could give an honest testimony to customers if they asked him about the product.  Anyways, every year, this woman would bring in the stuff she didn't want or was unable to use to the office to gift to her coworkers so that they could benefit from it.  And they absolutely loved it!  I remember hearing them share fond memories of past years of the things she had brought in for them.  When you work in a drab office (this place was borderline depressing; see pics), even the most trivial and superficial things can liven up your day.  

Try to imagine how much more grey this photo would be if  my monitor was turned off
and my apple, pencil holder, and Chelsea FC scarf were missing.

Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless...

But yes, I too caught the excitement when my supervisor called me from my desk to go to the common area with everyone else because there on the communal table was strewn an assortment of stuff.  

S T U F F. 

FREE STUFF!

High quality toiletries, name brand razors and cartridges, battery operated gadgets and cheap electronics, the odd pack of candy or snacks!  All just sitting there, waiting to be adopted into a new home....hmmm.

We ooooh'd and aaaaah'd over these items as if they were prized archaeological treasures from another era, freshly unearthed, and the first time anyone had seen them in thousands of years, but no.  They were just toiletries. 

The people who worked with the coworker and knew her the best were the first to help themselves, as were the senior employees who could not care less what anyone thought of them.  Me, being the newest employee, the youngest person in the room, and only on a temporary contract, was therefore the most shy out of everyone there, as I quietly observed the others choose their treasures with glee.  The coworker noticed that I wasn't actively partaking in the free-for-all and generously encouraged me to pick what I wanted, which by that time, wasn't very much, and so I ended up with a full size bottle of shampoo.

I have hair!  I bike to work!  I need to take a shower!  Now I have shampoo!  Everything's coming up Milhouse!  Except the weather began to get colder and I biked less and less...  The shampoo bottle sat mostly unused and neglected in my office desk drawer.

...until I moved to a new office that had no shower facilities.  I brought the shampoo home with me only to discover that the expiry date had passed years ago?! What?!  Oh well, I used it anyways and it worked.  My hair was clean and smelled nice.  The End.

Art imitating life???

Some unsolicited doodles/portraits of me, made for me:

January 2018
by Ms. C (a cool colleague)

November 2019
by Ms. W (dear friend)

June (?) 2021
by Ms. D (another cool colleague)

I am definitely aging.

EDIT: 2022-11-30 some more additions!

September 2022
by Ms. T (a small, encouraging human)

November 2022
by Mr. S (a cool bro)

EDIT: 2022-12-26 another one done yesterday!

December 2022
by Ms. A (a cool niece; age 5)

Banana Manna > "Banana Bread"

I recently bought twenty overly ripe bananas on Flashfoods for $1.50 so naturally I had to make banana bread, except I've never baked before!  And then the recipe I use (https://thewoksoflife.com/banana-bread/) calls for a cup of sugar.  A can of pop is about 30g of sugar. 

One cup of sugar is 225g!!!!!!

Who's the genius who thought it should be called "banana bread?" This is literally cake!  And when I add chocolate chips (because all banana bread should be required to have chocolate in it) it's defos cake.

And then it hit me...  The Israelites received bread from heaven in the desert or manna as they called it.  The baked goods I'm creating are a literal gift from God since they're made with my hands.  And the taste and smell of this cake? Mmmm heavenly.  Bingo, bango, BANANA MANNA!  It even rhymes! Bongo!

Banana Manna is such a better name than "banana bread" that it's crazy no one has thought of this before!!!!  Except I just did a google search and I'm wrong (yet again).

God bless this woman and her Banana Manna.

Behold

Banana Manna

It tasted better the next day.

No blog posts in 2020 AD

 ...but I kept paying for theTerriblelands.com domain name!  I get credit for that!
Or rather my credit was charged because of it...

Anyways, I had intentions to write since COVID-19 provided more time for me to be at home and reflect on life in general as the pandemic shuttered all my other obligations and opportunities.  Instead I got sidetracked with Netflix, food (eg Flashfood baby! Use my referral: https://flashfood.app.link/B8XzcgOZsfb), gardening in pots, growing avocado seeds, not exercising, and general procrastinating.  

And continuing to grow my hair out of course.

Pointless Post #108 - Greatest Fear Edition

I think one of my greatest fears would be that if I was using a toilet in a public restroom and for the fire alarm to suddenly go off.  The instantaneous shift from eerily, silent peace and quiet (assuming no one else is in there) to a mind-numbing shrill of the alarm would probably be enough to knock me off the porcelain throne.

This is all hypothetical of course.

This picture makes me happy

If I remember right, it's from a Panago commercial where one of the taglines is "Greek is crazy," and it's featuring their Greek-inspired menu options.

If I were to psychoanalyze myself, I'd probably say I take joy in this image because I have unresolved, unfulfilled dreams of being a rock star and I'm able to see a happier version of myself portrayed as a musically talented, tzatziki-covered gyro, rocking out on a television screen as snippets of take out food flash interspersed to the beat of catchy electronic music.

It oozes with confidence and fire roasted umami flavours.
It's probably a better driver than me as well.
Man alive.

---------------
June 9, 2018 EDIT: Oh man, I'm totally wrong.  It's from Subway Canada:


AND I JUST GOT IT!
It's a gyro rocking out with a guitar.
A rocking gyro.
A guitar gyro.
aka a Guitar Hero.

Gold.

Permalink: https://j.gifs.com/xv0nqP.gif

Pointless Post #107 - Priorities Edition Revisited

While talking with a female colleague:

Colleague: [blah blah blah] ...and my ten-year career plan.
Me: [with a look of amazement at her and simultaneous disgust at myself] Ten-year plan??? I don't even know what I'm eating for dinner tonight!

This is one of the differences between men and women.

---------------------------------------------

Last night I reached for my spool of floss and pulled out a tiny, waxed thread only to discover that I had run out of floss.  Shortly after, I went to bed wondering when I had last purchased floss...

This morning while examining that same spool to make sure I was indeed out of floss (half asleep last night), I discovered my handwriting on the bottom of the container in black sharpie.  I felt an immense sense of closure, smiled to myself, and them updated it with another date in blue sharpie. 

Good job past-Tim, good job.

~13 months to use 183m.  Not bad.

How to Make Instant Pot Chicken Noodle Soup (w/pictures!)

Super simple and super delicious!  A defos easy comfort food staple.  Soup for everyone!

1.  I chopped up some carrots, celery, and one onion and put it in the Instant Pot.  I used straight-from-the-freezer chicken thighs and put them in the center of the veggies and added water.

2. I set the cook time to Manual > High Pressure > ~25 min (20 min probably would've sufficed).  This is what came out:

3. I deboned and shredded the chicken and added some generous handfuls of elbow macaroni, a slab of butter, pepper, salt, and thyme.  I also seasoned my shredded chicken before putting it back in.

4. After stirring everything well, I put the chicken thigh bones back in for more flavour.

5.  After setting the cook time to Manual > High Pressure > 10 min (I'm really into overcooking things... I'm thinking 5min would've been plenty), this is what came out:

6. Stirred, bowled, and ready to eat!

7. And then I spilled it everywhere because I'm a klutz.  The hot soup burned my thigh through my sweatpants a little.  I also said a few choice words.

8. Sigh, the end.

In other news, my couch has a beautiful and comforting aroma now...

I can be very easily amused

Dairy is dairy

In this last week of 2017, I consumed a lot of half and half (10% fat) and whipping cream (30% fat) at a 90% rate of personal satisfaction and 10% rate of shameful regret (hence this blog post).  I didn't plan to; it just happened (insert punchline and/or murder alibi here).  I didn't want either dairy product to go to waste, so I thought it was better for me to consume it.  And I did! :D :D :D

No Frills had a crazy sale on Christmas Eve where 500ml cartons of half and half were being sold for 10¢/each.  TEN CENTS EACH.  What a steal!  The caveat is that the best before date was Dec 25, but that didn't bother me.  It's on sale for ten cents!  I don't use creamer in my everyday life.  I don't even drink coffee regularly, but at 10 freaking cents?!?  Come on!  I bought one* litre's worth of half and half.  Happy birthday Jesus and happy birthday to me!

The whipping cream that came into my possession was an opened 1L carton from my sister who had needed it for a soup recipe.   Unfortunately for her, she only needed 250ml, but the store was only selling 1L size cartons.  She had all this leftover whipped cream and no more use for it.  I wasn't planning on making on cream soups or pastas in the next little bit, so the only rationale option was for me to whip it and eat it.

As my momentous, dare I say it, legen-dairy year comes to a close, I can confidently share these two lessons I've learned from ingesting all this creamalicious goodness and that is:

1. If you're making a milkshake and substitute half and half for the milk, the taste is marginal.  Actually no, it'll taste creamier and better than regular, dumb old 2% milk. 10/10 I'd do it again.

2. Beating (or in my case blending) 500ml of whipped cream into a nice, billowy glob and eating it is healthier than drinking 500ml of liquid whipped cream straight.  I mean, it's science.  It's lighter.

Goodbye old friend...

 *946ml give me a break

You should watch the smash holiday movie classic "Jingle All the Way"

It has nostalgia!  It has brilliant one-liners!  It has SINBAD!

While watching this movie late last night, I googled "get outta my way box" and was very pleased to see my favourite scene was uploaded on YouTube.  It's not the best quality, but the humour transcends it:


The clip ends too soon, but the way the other ornaments come over to look at their box-friend just kills me every time. Oh man, hahahahaha!

Les lapins ce soir, avant le noir (du nuit)

I'm running out of French rhymes.

I saw multiple rabbits last week late in the evening before it got dark!  I actually saw three of them.

I've also seen them multiple times this week too.  I don't think I'll post about seeing Mr. Bun anymore (mostly because there's definitely more than one Mr. Bun), but they sure are cute.  Rabbits in the wild!

Somewhere in there....

You'll be able to see....

A blurry rabbit.

And if you pan left a little bit...

There's another!  Yummy.

And later in the evening on another day...

I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie

To the hip hip hop and you don't stop